Fiancé : I didn't think about Britain having trains. You can hit one side of your island with a spitwad, I didn't think they needed trains.
Me: Britain....Britain has trains.
Housemate: it's their primary means of transportation
Friend: Or, you know, cars.
Fiancé : Hatchbacks with Union Jacks on them.
Housemate: .....those aren't for driving.
Me: *laughing madly*
Friend: Are you talking about the armored fish?
Fiancé: Damn it.
Friend: So it's 8, 7, 6
Me: FIVE THREE OH NI_E_INE!
Me: It's not my fault you're dyslexic.
Friend: I've been craving calimari
Me: Shut up, it's one of the only seafoods I like!
Fiancé: That's not seafood
Me: Of course it's seafood, where the fuck else does it come from?
Fiancé: Between the stars!
Me: You don't eat that, it makes you go mad
Fiancé: Same thing.
Friend: Pretty sure you could eat both.
Fiancé: You deep fry Cthulhu, you get buffalo wings too. That's a lot of oil.
Me: Well, I'll be at work. We can put a time release hot dog on your doorknob and Elka can wake you up.
Fiancé: Time release hotdog? I'm so glad that you have no command of science.
Housemate: No, it's not a bad idea. We could make it work.
Fiancé: Don't ever let her know that her ideas have merit.
Me: See, Housemate supports me!
Fiancé: I think my brain shrank three sizes that day.
Housemate: And whose fault is that?
Fiancé: the hotdogliness
Fiancé to the dog: You're in the way, Doberthing.
Me: D-d-d-Dobrthing, Doberthing. Can't see through, can't see through my Doberthing!
Fiancé: ....what the fuck.
(To be fair, even the dog looked at me funny. But, I normally sing "Boogerface" to her)
Library patron: I need a kids historical fiction book like this, but that takes place during World War Two.
Coworker: Well, I know we have a Pearl Harbor one, but that isn't World War II, is it?
Library patron: Oh, isn't that World War I?
Me: Pearl Harbor was World War II. Pearl Harbor was when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in Hawaii? Triggered American involvement?
Coworker: It's not my fault! I'm bad at history!