Monday, July 1, 2013

You are the crunchy noodles in the vegetarian salad

Connor drops a towel on the floor and scrubs it around with his foot to clean water Elka got on the floor. He then goes to put it back on the oven.
Aunt Marian: That was on the floor!
Connor: So? You dropped a knife on your foot and put it in the butter dish.
Aunt Marian: That didn't happen.

Fiancé: Don't worry, you'll sleep soon. I drugged the pizza, to help you.
Big Tim: Well that's funny, I drug all my food too. But really, how do you drug a meat pizza?
Me: Well, you have to inject the pepperoni with Ketamine before you slice it.
Big Tim: .....did you say pepperoni?

Aunt Alicia: We have to carry our own boards, like real surfers! Of course, what it's really going to be is four of us to a board, crying.
Aunt Jen: With Emma laying on top.

Fiancé: Thanks for being our snack bitch
Big Tim: I wasn't going to call it snack bitch. I was going to call it something else, but what came to mind was "munchie concierge" and I thought no, that's fucking stupid.
Fiancé: Lunchador!

At the television show talking about fried ice cream:
Bryan: nobody's surprised by that anymore
Fiancé: I know, they've had it at Chichi's before I was fucking alive.

Me: That kid somehow got his right arm and head through his shirt's head hole, so he's just one-shouldering it.
Our friend: YOLO

Tim: See, I play that game, and I don't have any stupid names like that.
Mahria: Oh! Apply cold water to the burned area.
Big Tim: I guess that's what I'm going to rename my character to: Burn Ward.

Fiancé: Okay, Tim, you're right. It is worse on your side of the fence.
Fuzzy Tim: I think this just illustrates the problem that our fences are next to each other.

Fiancé (playing Fallout New Vegas): Yes, game, thank you. I totally wanted to pick up a damaged garden gnome. I'm just like somebody else in the room who likes carrying skulls around.
Me: Wait, what did you pick up?
Fiancé: Damaged garden gnome.
Me: Morale is very important in the postapocalyptic nuclear wasteland

Mahria: Thank you for not strangling me for laughing at YOLO.
Fuzzy Tim: I'm just saving it for when we get home.


  1. Any conversation peppered with "ketamine" is a winner in my opinion. :)