Friday, August 9, 2013

Because "cucumber melon" totally means anarchy

So, I happened to notice that Axe has a "for her" scent: Anarchy.

I kind of like guy-Axe, when one has not marinated in it, so I thought I'd give girl Axe a sniff. Pretty much all of my perfume comes from the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, and is essential oils. I haven't used a "commercial", alcohol based perfume in years.

So, standing in Walgreens, I gave the lady Axe a very very brief squirt, because I don't want to be one of Those People who wastes product and hoses down an aisle and then ditches, leaving an unpleasant wake of aerosol funk behind me. I gave it a sniff, expecting to be inspired towards listening to Rage Against the Machine while slinging a skateboard and spray painting oblique symbols on the walls of buildings. I expected something maybe a little raw in that white can with its pink writing, something free and individual.

But no. Anarchy smells rather like cucumber melon. You know, the seminal Bath and Body Works scent that everybody slathers on in all manner of ways, and have since the 90's, if not before.  While I like actual cucumbers, to eat, and actual melon again, to eat, I do not like the slimy scent of what chemical engineers think "Cucumber Melon" means to them. I do not like it, Sam I am. So that's why it was especially funny to me that a company that wants to make you think they sell sex in a can chose such a trite Goddamn flavor to head their female line.