|Picture by Cosmo Sarson|
Fiancè: Why is Jesus breakdancing?
Housemate and I: Why wouldn't Jesus be breakdancing?
Fiancè: ....okay. I guess that showed me.
Boss shows us medical tubing: I found this in the entryway as I came in
Me: Is that somebody's heroin tie off or something? Eww.
Boss: I don't know, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE HEROIN.
Housemate 2 reaches in front of Housemate 1's screen to get chips from a bowl on his desk.
Housemate 1: Boss fight! Boss fight!
Housemate 2: Mmmhmmm.
Fiancè: Why are you making that face?
Me: It's my fertility goddess face.
Me: Did you win a rodeo? *indicating a truly huge belt buckle*
Patron: No, I bought it. Took it off a dead one.
Me: I'm a writer, I've got research done that would look bad if--
Coworker: It already does.
Housemate 2: I ended up at this cast party and I don't know what happened. I became this weird center of attention. Everybody was hugging me and saying 'Oh my God, how've you been?' and I was all 'I don't know you!'