Thursday, April 23, 2015

Some recent Shenanigans

Me: Did you see that .gif on Imgur the other day, of that guy playing fetch with his headcrab?
Fiancé: ....."that guy?" Come on.
Me: What, I didn't play those games!
Fiancé: [silence]
Me: ...Gordon.....
Fiancé: You can do it, honey.
Me: Lightfoot!  [yes, I knew this was wrong]
Fiancé: Freeman. Gordon Freeman.
[and then he replaced Gordon Lightfoot lyrics with Halflife words. It was awesome.]

Coworker: Hey, I'm going to the coffee shop. Do you want anything?
Me: Ooh, yeah! Get me an iced dirty chai.
Coworker: ....a what?
Me: An iced dirty chai. It's iced chai with a shot of espresso in it
Coworker: You're a WOMAN.

Fiancé: Man, that's mean. They're teaching this robot emotion, so they just said "No" to it like we say to Elka, but instead of looking at you wagging like "fuck you", it's all downcast.
Housemate: That's....that's disturbing. I'm disturbed.
Fiancé: I'm disturbed too. Sad robot.
Me: I am so triggered right now. That was in my robot voice.
Fiancé: It's not a fucking Tumblr robot
Me: Well how else would you teach a robot emotions? I'll bet it can't even.
Me: ......wait, is zero an even number?
Fiancé: I think zero is an even number. Or...
Housemate: No, zero isn't a number.

Me: So that first stage Falcon rocket? Got to the landing pad drone, and landed, but the velocity was such that it fell over and exploded.
Fiancé: *shakes his head*
Me: They'll get there. It's gotten to the thing both times, it's been so close.
Fiancé: It's a foregone conclusion that they're going to succeed once they start something like this.
Me: It's Elon Musk. He succeeds. He's the Paypal guy, the Tesla guy, and the SpaceX guy.
Fiancé: He's like Howard Hughes.
Me: Minus that peeing in jars thing. Though maybe that's where the fragrance line will come in?
Housemate: And then everything was terrible.
Me: I'm....not sorry.
Housemate: Are you ever?
Me: Yes! Yes sometimes I am.
Housemate: Lies.

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