Sunday, August 9, 2015

Some quotes, mostly from work

Coworker: Jen's necklace is full of pixies!
Me: Well, they're probably dead by now, so the chiming you hear is the sound of their bones.
Coworker: You're fucked up.

Housemate: So there's this guy named Minotauro, and I wonder how you get a name like Minotauro.
Me: Well, your mom fucks a bull....
Housemate: Yeah, that's fair.

Coworker: "Who's the bad guy in Star Wars that's dressed all in black"? No, that question is too hard, the kids won't know it.
Me: Look, if those kids are so ignorant they don't know who Darth Fucking Vader is, your next program is showing them ALL of the Star Wars movie.
Coworker: Okay.
Me: Clockwork Orange style.
Coworker: ....oh

On August 6:
Me: Today is the anniversary of when the Enola Gay dropped Little Boy on Hiroshima.
Friend 1: ....oh
Friend 2: the only trivia I have about today is that it's Soleil Moon Frye's birthday.
Friend 1: Who's that?
Me and Friend 2: PUNKY BREWSTER

Coworker: *holds up magazine with a picture of a platter on it that has a 3d dinosaur in the middle* it's for...with candy?
Me: It's a shame the sides aren't higher, you could fill it with dark chocolate pudding and it'd be like the La Brea Tar Pits.
Newest Coworker: ....well that's....morbid....

And finally:

Two men were talking a little too loudly down the hall, while my coworker and I were dealing with a line. I finished up, and then the comment that broke the camels' back: "...hasn't been touched in 45 years!"

I went down the hallway to confront the gentlemen, and realized one of them was holding a fire extinguisher. He was the fire extinguisher maintenance guy. I got their attention and said "I'm sorry, but we need you to be a little more quiet than that, especially after your last comment, which could really be misconstrued.

They looked at me, looked at each other, and cracked up.


  1. I'm laughing so hard at these conversation snippets there are tears in my eyes, especially the one about watching Star Wars Clockwork Orange-style. Dead pixies and Minotaurio are tied for a close second. Anywho...I just wanted to tell you how much I liked the flash fiction piece you wrote for Janet Reid's blog this week. I thought it was a really good story. Congratulations on getting a final round shoutout from the Shark herself. You deserved it. :)

    1. Thanks, Eve! We do get up to some hijinx! I've also since heard an optimal way to mesh the watching of the original trilogy and the prequels: Episodes 4 and 5 first, then Episodes 2 and 3, and then finally 6. But it leaves off Episode 1, and the entire world's Jar Jar hate notwithstanding, I did like The Phantom Menace.

      Thanks for visiting, and thanks for the compliments on my story! I'm floored to be a finalist; I think I suffer mightily from "what's on my head isn't what's necessarily on the page", especially when it's a 100 word limit, so I"m glad it came through this time!